I’ve gone back to school - here’s why

Depending on who you are, what you’re into, and how prone to earworms you happen to be, you may or may not have Deftones’ Back to School stuck in your head right now. If you do, you’re obviously one of my people, and I sympathise wholeheartedly. If you don’t, that’s also alright — I don’t judge, and given that the following piece actually has nothing to do with Deftones or any of their songs, it really shouldn’t be an issue.

Right, now that that’s out of the way, I suppose it’s time for me to get to the point. In my last piece, Why the “recovering entrepreneur” in my bio isn’t just for laughs, I briefly touched upon the fact that I was about to start a Masters, and promised to discuss it in more detail in my next piece. So here I am, discussing it in more detail in my next piece. (Over 1,000 words more detail, just FYI.)

I’ve already mentioned that I lost my job just before the onset of COVID-19 in previous writings, so I won’t rehash the details here, but suffice it to say that I found myself at something of an impasse as a result. I knew I didn’t want another field-based role, or another role in food and beverages, but when I tried to think of what I did want, I either had too many ideas or none at all. The job I’d been doing was pretty niche, with a nebulous list of duties, and there weren’t any obvious next steps to take.

“When I tried to think of what I did want, I either had too many ideas or none at all.”

And even if there had been, I doubt it would have made much difference. The pandemic put the kibosh on anything and everything I’d had in the pipeline in terms of work, and anything I did manage to secure was postponed or else cancelled altogether. It seemed as though everywhere I looked, experts within their respective industries were being laid off or “let go” in one manner or another, and opening up LinkedIn was becoming an even more harrowing experience than usual. It seemed like the worst possible time to try and break into something new.

Then one night in mid-March, in a brief break between job applications and on the verge of throwing my laptop out the window at the thought of writing another cover letter, I suddenly had a brainwave: education. I knew I wanted to go back into education at some point, so why not just move this up? What was there to lose?

Allow me to provide some context: after a long and circuitous journey that took about six years longer than it should have, I finally gained my undergraduate degree last year. My main reason for doing this, apart from the fact that I’d been an almighty overachiever in school and my lack of even a BA had left me with an enormous chip on my shoulder, was that I wanted to go on to postgraduate study — ideally an MBA, and ideally abroad. I even sat the GMAT (one of the standardized tests used for admission to competitive MBA programmes worldwide) in the summer of 2018.

“I knew I wanted to go back into education at some point, so why not just move this up? What was there to lose?”

Alas, there were a few things that made the MBA plan less than viable, at least for 2020. The first, and arguably most significant, was COVID-19. Relocating to Paris, Milan or Madrid to study would be no small matter at the best of times, and so to do so during a pandemic didn’t really bear thinking about. Also, the more well-regarded an MBA programme is, the more expensive it tends to be, and a merit-based scholarship of some description would be my only realistic way of getting in. Which brings me to my last sticking point: my uneven GMAT scores. I would need to seriously work on my Quant score in order to be in with a chance.

And so there I was, in March, in front of my laptop, wondering what the hell to do with my life. I’m lucky enough to live within easy commuting distance of two great universities, both of which have their own business schools, and I thought it might be worth looking through their respective course catalogues. I’d only been poking around Newcastle University’s postgraduate site for a few minutes when, for whatever reason, the MA in Cross-Cultural Communication and International Management leapt out at me. It seemed like the perfect way to combine my background in languages with my interest in the international business environment.

I submitted my application on March 22nd, just as we were plunged into that initial, horrible lockdown. I desperately needed something to look forward to once the storm of COVID-19 had passed (oh yes, back in March, I rather naïvely assumed we’d be over the worst of it by now). But even if all or part of the teaching had to be online, I knew I’d be able to handle it — I’d done distance learning before and I could do it again. Of course my heart was set on the “campus experience”, but then many people have had their hearts set on things that haven’t come to pass this year. At least I’d be able to learn.

“It seemed like the perfect way to combine my background in languages with my interest in the international business environment.”

Seven or so months later, here I am, a newly-minted Masters student. Well, I say newly-minted; we’re actually about to go into week 4 of teaching, however it all still feels very new. We had two weeks’ worth of induction activities, almost all of which took place online, and then all of a sudden it was like BAM! Here’s your reading list, here are your deadlines. You may now kiss goodbye to your life. (Then again, given how quiet life is at present, I’m not sure how much there is to say goodbye to.)

Now I realise that, although I’ve described the circumstances that brought me to this point, I have yet to explain just why exactly I wanted to go back to school. After all, while COVID-19 was undoubtedly a contributing factor in my thought process, I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I took this route purely because I had no choice.

It’s hard to explain without sounding disingenuous, but I’ve just always loved learning. I was one of those strange individuals who sincerely enjoyed their school experience and, with the exception of middle school PE, I wouldn’t recoil at the thought of going back. In fact, now that I’ve spent some time in the “real world”, or the world of work, or whatever exactly this is, I have come to miss the relative straightforwardness of school: you prepare a piece of work to the best of your ability, you hand it in, you receive a mark/grade. That’s the crux of it anyway. The world of work, as I’ve discovered, is a lot more messy.

“It’s hard to explain without sounding disingenuous, but I’ve just always loved learning.”

Although an MA is a far cry from school as such, I suppose the basic principle remains the same. I have assignments (rather a lot of them, in fact) and I will hand each in on an agreed date and then eventually receive a mark/grade. I know not everyone likes this way of learning, but for now, I at least am happy with it. I see my going back to school not as an escape from the vagaries of the so-called real world, numerous though they may be, but as a kind of incubation period. I hope to be able to graduate next September a more self-assured, sharply focused version of myself, with an all-new set of tools at my disposal. 

I intend to explain more about the course itself in time — after all, I realise that Cross-Cultural Communication and International Management is a bit of a mouthful — but, given how intense my schedule is this semester, I’m going to have to become more disciplined in how and when I write for myself rather than as a student. It’s set to be a tough year, again, but fortunately I am prepared for it this time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to study, and I believe there’s a new Deftones album I need to listen to…

This piece was originally published on alisonlaurabell.com in 2020.