What helps/what doesn’t help
Given that my last piece was so long - almost 2,000 words long, in fact - I thought it best to rein it in a bit for the follow-up. That’s not to say you won’t get another 2,000-word epic about a long-standing yet difficult to define struggle from me in the future, because you almost certainly will, however I do need to space them out a bit.
Following the publication of my last piece, ‘There doesn’t need to be a fire’, I received a number of messages from readers saying that it struck a chord with them, that they experience similar struggles, and that, despite the uncomfortable subject matter, they actually enjoyed reading it. This got me thinking about just how endemic depression is, and how so many of us are forced to get on with our days and whatever is in front of us regardless. This, in turn, got me thinking about what helps me to cope, in both the short and long term - what habits or activities do I build into my day (or week, month or year, to accidentally paraphrase The Rembrandts) that help mitigate my tendency towards darkness? And, conversely, what really doesn’t help?
I’ve pulled out some examples of each to share with you, and am also sharing some insights from you, dear readers, into what helps you all. I must stress, however, that as someone who isn’t a big fan of the Matt Haig-ification of mental health/illness, I’m not going to share anything about looking at the sky or sniffing freshly baked bread. (That said, a number of you did mention the benefits of being out in nature, and I can’t exactly exclude the sky from that.) Anyway, here we go.
What helps
Taking my medication
We’ll start with the most obvious but arguably most important thing, for me at least. I know people have different views on antidepressant medication, but for me it’s essential - with it, I may bob up and down, but I don’t sink altogether.
Walking
I generally have to get out for at least one ‘significant’ walk per day, the earlier the better, otherwise my brain grinds to a halt. This is one of the few things that helps me which happens to be completely free, and so it’s also the one I recommend the most.
Having some sort of routine
Although I am someone who values their freedom enormously, and I imagine I wouldn’t last a day in any of the armed forces, sticking to a routine or structure that I create for myself does tend to help me feel better. I find this is particularly important at the start and end of the day.
Reading
For better or worse, I am someone whose first word was ‘book’, so it is perhaps unsurprising that reading is a source of pleasure and comfort for me. That said, if I’m in a particularly bad patch, my reduced attention span often won’t let me see books through to the end. (And, truth be told, this is something I’ve really struggled with this year.)
Surfing
This is an odd one, as I haven’t even attempted to surf for over a year, but it really does help. Taking up surfing got me through the worst parts of 2020 and, while I appreciate that it won’t be for everyone, I cannot overstate how life-affirming and invigorating an endeavour it is - and this is big talk coming from me!
Small sensory pleasures
These are different for everyone, but for me they include drinking a really good cup of coffee, lighting a scented candle, and, without sounding too Matt Haig about it, I am indeed partial to a freshly baked sourdough. None of these things necessarily alleviate my depression, but they do help me feel more present and grateful.
Travelling
Now, there’s nothing at all wrong with my day-to-day surroundings, I’m extremely fortunate to live where I do, but nothing kickstarts my brain like exploring new places and just wandering around and taking it all in. I find I get the greatest benefits from travelling when I do so solo - I come back more recharged, and with a much clearer mind.
What doesn’t help
Looking at my phone as soon as I wake up (a lot of the time, I’m better off not even switching it on for an hour or so).
Going to bed the wrong side of midnight…although I often still do.
Most kinds of alcohol, unfortunately.
A specific medication called sertraline.
Snoozing my alarm multiple times in the morning - I don’t quite know how to articulate this, but it leaves me feeling like a failure before I’ve even made it to my feet, which is every bit as horrible as it sounds.
Staying inside for too long.
Impulse shopping, especially for beauty products, and especially online (although, like going to bed post-midnight, this is an example of self-injury I continue to commit).
And, finally, what helps you all…
“Keeping a routine. If it slips, I know I’m in for a wild ride.”
”Exercise. Walking. Music. Writing. Supporting friends with their own projects.”
”GARDENING.”
”Doing things that help my brain slow down instead of spiralling - like sitting and drawing.”
”Silly little walks, writing, screaming, reading poetry.”
”Spending time in nature massively helps me.”
”Slow and steady physical activity - swimming, Pilates, etc.”
”Walking with a podcast - someone else’s voice in my ears and movement.”
”Need exercise and fresh air.”
”Scheduled treats, being outside. The beach is a great helper.”
”Swimming did wonders for my depression and intrusive thoughts.”