My New Year's Resolutions (and whether or not I've been sticking to them!)

Like many people out there, I began this year by making a list of resolutions. Most of them were nothing major — I’m already a teetotal non-smoker, after all, so there’s not a lot left for me to cut out — however, they were serious enough for me to want to write them down, and split them into three distinct categories: beauty, health and mental health.

I started with beauty-related resolutions as this is predominantly a beauty blog, while my health and mental health are two things that took a huge hit in 2018, and as such are two things that I’m prioritising this year. I do also have a number of career and education-related goals that I’ve decided not to write or publish anywhere, mostly because I know I have little chance of achieving them unless I get these other aspects of my life taken care of first. I am also leaving out the rather banal micro-resolutions of ‘drink more water’ and ‘go to bed earlier’ as, really, what more is there to say about these two?

As I write this pre-amble, it is 11.11 p.m. on a Sunday night, so you can probably guess how well I’m getting on with going to bed early. But what about my other resolutions, the real, written-down ones? Have I been sticking to those? Well, you’re about to find out, so, pull up a chair. This could take a while…

BEAUTY

1. Wear more make-up.

If this sounds terribly unenlightened, I should probably clarify that it means wearing more of the make-up I already own, and more often, as opposed to trowelling on so many layers that I look like a bargain basement Kardashian. And, for the most part, I have been sticking to this. If I haven’t worn make-up it’s because I’ve been ill, which has been an unfortunately frequent occurrence so far this year, however I am generally getting better at ‘giving good face’ on a day-to-day basis. Furthermore, I am especially appreciative of the ritualistic nature of putting make-up on in the morning now that I have more time to do so (more on that later).

2. Eye cream and SPF.

Blogger Emma Hoareau of Lolita Says So was one of my favourite people to follow in 2018 — and still is, of course — and she is an expert on all things skin. She is also about the same age as me, and her two top tips are to use eye cream and SPF every day. (Or twice a day as far as the eye cream is concerned.) I am pleased to confirm that I am wearing both eye cream and SPF today, although I must admit that the eye cream is a more recent addition as it has taken me a while to find one that I actually like. I’m going to try to keep this up because, as Emma says, these two things can make a huge difference to your skin, especially in terms of ageing.

3. Body care is skincare, too.

I take good care of my face, but I don’t take particularly good care of my body. I suppose this is because no-one sees it other than me but, given that I don’t do any of my facial skincare for anyone’s benefit other than my own, shouldn’t I extend the same courtesy to my body? Also, winter has really taken its toll on my limbs, with eczema and all sorts, so I desperately need to give my body some TLC. At the start of the year I resolved to do dry brushing daily, but I haven’t really done it yet, as well as using a good body moisturiser daily, but I haven’t really done that yet, either. Hopefully in a few months’ time I will be able to tell you something different!

4. Sort that scalp!

So this one isn’t sexy or glamorous or fun at all, but, it’s important: I’ve had persistent problems with my scalp since late 2017 and, you know what? I’m over it. I look like Robert Smith dipped in a deep fat fryer, and I don’t like it. I just want my normal hair back! I’m not sure if it’s dandruff, seborrheic dermatitis, or something still more difficult to pronounce, but I’ve tried seemingly every treatment on the market and nothing has made a lasting difference. I had a scalp detox at Aveda which was a real treat and provided a few days’ relief, however I’ve yet to find a more permanent solution. Fingers crossed this changes in 2019.

5. Buy less.

The last of my beauty-related resolutions is actually more a mix of beauty and budgeting. Unlike many people I follow, I chose not to attempt ‘no buy January’, however I have certainly cut down and have definitely gotten rid of more products than I’ve acquired. I did bring one or two beauty bits back from Tokyo (again, more on that later) but these were all items that are difficult, if not impossible, to find outside of Japan. So…I don’t think I’ve done too badly with this one. Now I just need to see if I can keep it up!

HEALTH

1. Lose it (or learn to accept yourself as you are).

I’ve never had a great relationship with my body. It has always felt like this lumbering, uncoordinated thing trying and failing to keep up with the frantic pace of my brain, which is undoubtedly the more capable of the two. I won’t go into pounds or kilos as I wouldn’t wish to upset or trigger anyone else, but I’ve been heavier than I would like for about two years now, and yet have struggled to do anything about it. So, I have a choice: either I make an effort to lose the unwanted weight, and do so sustainably, or I learn to accept myself as I am. I’ll let you know which I settle on and will keep you posted — in the least insufferable way I can!

2. Move more.

This one relates closely to what I’ve detailed above. Basically, I am much too sedentary and I need to move my body more, however that is achieved. With the exception of an insecurity and extreme weight loss-fuelled period when I was thirteen/fourteen, I have never exercised regularly, or enough, and it is starting to catch up with me. I’m getting there, though. I see a personal trainer once a week and, if this sounds revoltingly bourgeois to you, please note my aforementioned uncoordinated-ness and know that this arrangement guarantees the safety of those around me as well as my own. Also, he is really supportive, and I need all the encouragement I can get in this area. I now also have a membership to a leisure centre five minutes’ walk from my house, so I can put what he has taught me into practice on my own. (I’ll let you know how I get on with this as its bound to be at least a little bit amusing.)

3. Veganuary.

It is with a heavy heart and a not insignificant amount of shame that I have to inform you I was unable to stick to Veganuary properly. My week in Tokyo was the main sticking point for this as, unbeknownst to me, the standard broth they serve at most ramen restaurants is in fact a pork-based broth. Whoops. However, I have otherwise stopped eating meat of any kind, and I’ve already avoided dairy for a number of years as, like many things, it just doesn’t agree with me. At the time of writing, I am a vegetarian who eats eggs, but in a few months’ time I hope to be able to tell you that I’m vegan — no excuses.

4.  Supplements.

Well, this one is relatively straightforward. I spent most of 2018 ill with one thing or another, and I’m determined that 2019 will be different, which is why I’ve resolved to take the appropriate supplements. I’m still not 100% sure what the appropriate supplements for me are but, again, I’m getting there; I’ve been pretty disciplined with my multivitamins but am still on the hunt for a good quality probiotic, if anyone can recommend one.

5. Drink less coffee.

Now this one sounds more straightforward than it is. I’ve worked in the speciality coffee industry for almost six years now, three-and-a-half of which have been spent running my own coffee shop, so coffee is much more to me than just a stimulating beverage — it is, genuinely, a way of life. It’s a passion, a vocation, a sense of purpose. It’s a culture, a community, and friends from far-flung corners of the world. Unfortunately, as I transition into the next phase of my life, it is also eye twitches, heart palpitations, and tossing and turning into the wee small hours. So, I’ve been cutting down. My previous three or four cups a day are now two, and if I need something to motivate myself mid-afternoon, I reach for a green tea or green juice. I realise how wanky this may sound, but I cannot overstate how much better I feel for it.

MENTAL HEALTH

1. Journalling.

Despite the overwhelming number of negative comments on that recent wellness article in The Times that suggested otherwise, I am of the opinion that journalling is indeed a word, even if it is a somewhat clunky one. (Also, given that one of the guys interviewed was quite literally pH-testing his pee every morning, I’m at a loss as to why anyone homed in on the use of the word journalling.) Anyway, weird verbs aside, I resolved to write in my journal every day this year, as doing so really helped me through a particularly bad patch in 2010. I stuck to it very well for the first fortnight but, alas, life got in the way. I’m hoping to pick up where I left off, however, so stay tuned.

2. More ‘off’.

Now it has been a while since I wrote this, but I’m assuming it means I need to switch off more, which is undoubtedly true. As anyone who runs their own business will tell you, it is difficult to switch off — after all, it’s your baby. I’m getting better at trusting that my staff have it handled and that the shop runs just fine when I’m not there, but unplugging from the world at large is still something I’m struggling with. Although my phone has its uses, too many if anything, I feel significantly better when I don’t start, spend and end my day glued to the thing. So, I am trying out switching my phone off for increased periods of time. This might not suit everyone, but, you know what? The world will continue to spin. I certainly notice a positive difference when I don’t reach for my phone as soon as I wake up, and would urge anyone else who does this to try cutting it out for a few days. You won’t regret it.

3. Don’t look back (in anger or otherwise).

This is a tough one to write about as there’s really no way of demonstrating whether or not I’ve been sticking to it. But, in short, I am someone who has long been guilty of living in the past, and while I’ve always been aware of this being a problem of mine, recently others have started to pick up on it too…which is a problem in itself! Sometimes this preoccupation with the past takes the form of rose-coloured reminiscences, sometimes it’s more of a regret or shame-filled stroll down memory lane, but I’m forever fixating on things that happened a long time ago and things I cannot change. Again, I’m not sure if I can demonstrate how I’m remedying this, but I can tell you that I’ve been gobbling up Eckhart Tolle like a woman possessed, trying to train myself to be more ‘present’. It’s a process, but hopefully I’ll get there in the end.

4. Don’t talk to your exes!

Before I say anything else, I must stress that the contact I do have with these individuals is mostly harmless and banal, nothing untoward, but even then I’m not sure it’s especially good for me. The one or two relationships I have been in have been fairly unorthodox — no clear start or end, no labels, no waheyyy let’s make this Facebook official now, shall we? — and I believe this is why I’ve always struggled to cut and run with the same degree of success that so many other people seem to achieve. I’ve generally been communicating with them less, at least as far as I can recall, however I did message both of them this morning, so someone is going to have to come to my house and wrestle the Google Pixel 2 out of my hands whenever I feel the need to do this. (Or, alternatively, I could muster some willpower and concentrate on my own stuff.)

5. Make new friends (and try to see more of those you still have).

This last one is arguably the most embarrassing, and I certainly feel very exposed writing about it, but its important. 2018 had its moments, but it was undoubtedly the loneliest year of my life so far. Now, I am perfectly at ease with my own company, however I also know the difference between feeling ‘alone’ and feeling ‘lonely’, and unfortunately it was the latter for most of last year. Anyway, I’m waffling, but basically I need to make new friends this year, as well as reconnecting with those I have lost touch with or otherwise don’t see enough of. I often open up my Instagram stories, which are reliably littered with people out in groups, drinking, having fun, and am struck by one all-consuming thought: I have forgotten what that is like. I even spent part of New Year’s Day weeping because I felt so utterly disconnected from the images of people in hot tubs or on rooftops or just, you know, together.

I don’t want to start 2020 — or any year thereafter — the same way. I suppose this is why I’ve gone into such detail regarding resolutions. But that’s enough navel-gazing from me for the time being! Did you make any resolutions this year, and have you been sticking to them? Let me know in the comments. :)

This piece was originally published on Part Time Beauty in 2019.